What I had and what Ive got...

Why do people waste so much time saying "I remember when I had/did...?" I mean I understand nostalgia and enjoy a trip down memory lane like the next person, but I also feel worse doing this lol. For example, the job I have now pays me a quarter of what my old job paid me and EVERY time I think about that a part of me wants to cry. All the money Ive squandered, the trips I didnt take, the things I didnt buy! Geez, thats heavy stuff! But right now I have less stress, more freetime and overall just happier to do this job,so why do I torture myself...why do any of us do this to ourselves. Im working on enjoying what I have and hoping life works itself out, with a lot of praying, patience and hard work! What I have now is better than what I had just two weeks ago!! That is progress!!

Resignation

This past week has been rough for me..came back from visiting friends and family for the holidays and had a great time. Yet, there were a few things that I just did not like. Mainly the fact that both my parents and my ex did little to make me feel like they cared that I was there. After two weeks in the state the only communication from my parents was a one word text after I sent a "Merry Christmas" one and my ex was just "too busy". On my ride back I thought long and hard about what it was that made me feel so...betrayed..for lack of better words. I think I felt that these three people "owed" me to at least be happy to see me, but they werent. Then as the week went on I learned some heartbreaking, but not totally surprising news about my mothers take on our relationship. After a slight breakdown and hours of crying I came to a conclusion: I've resigned. I'm resigning from attempting to make relationships work at the cost of my happiness and peace of mind. I've resigned to the fact that no one owes me shit, whether it ne friend or family and lastly, if I dont start really putting myself first I will never be able to fully accept other peoples actions. Everytime someone does something I dont understand I immediately wonder "why?!", but the truth is, I can't understand other people because Im not them. If I focus on me and what I can do I will me so much better off. Thinking about what other people need and will do is sure to cause me nothing but hurt and I'm not saying Im going to be a selfish bitch, but Im am going to spend MORE time thinking about what it is I want and need. I've resigned to the fact that some of what I do in my interactions with people makes me vulnerable. No more! No more! No more. Heres to another new beginning!!